Not Pictured

I find it hard to post pictures of myself. I have not always been this way. You can look through my Facebook and insta feeds and see more than a few dozen pictures of me over the years. But I have found it difficult to post pictures of myself the last few months.

Do I look different? Well, yeah. My hair is darker and I have actually lost a few pounds but it isn’t about how I look. It’s how I feel. I feel like I need to protect myself. I feel like I STILL need to be guarded. Who the heck is this person?

If you have spent any time with me whatsoever, you know that I am pretty much an open book. I have no problem sharing what God has done or is doing in my life or encouraging you to seek out what He has in store for you. Until now. You see, I was feared by our ministry partners. The people that were supposed to be walking with me through ministry were afraid of what I had to say or the encouragement I would offer. They found me intimidating.

Really? I though we were friends. I thought our journey through ministry would have us to grow closer to one another and to the Lord. Boy, was I wrong. They saw me as their boss’s wife. They thought I was dictating instruction. They were afraid that if they did not listen to me, they would be approached by my husband and chastised. Some quit. They told others that I was the reason but not me. Some reported me for harassment but they didn’t bother to confront me. They were afraid.

So, here I am. Afraid to share anything. Afraid to post my picture. Afraid to post a quote. Afraid to post a Bible verse.  Because, if those I thought I had partnered with receieved me wrong; what will the World perceive?